How I’ve built my reputation and you & # 39. Ve got to produce results right now, and I’m able to do that because of an understanding of these need structures. I’m gonna talk to you back or I get the call when the child is gonna commit suicide or the adult, and in 30 years you know knock around a woman.
I & # 39. Ve, never lost one suicide in 30 years. That doesn’t mean I won’t someday, but I never have that one single time out of the thousands of suicide attempts and it’s again, because I’m understanding.
These needs and they talk to me, I get the phone call. You know in the middle of night, true story in surprise, United States saying Tony: they’re gonna impeach me in the morning. What should I do, and I say good, you called me sooner – that’s, true story, so in the experience of looking to make those changes and looking at how to change same thing in relationships, you know couples that are gone.
The films that I wanted to make with Chloe’s and let’s, not make films with couples that have troubles. Let’s. Make couples that look like they’ve gone beyond the edge by anybody’s estimate there’s, no way to turn it around because by that extreme, when so much of the film they look at their own lives, they Go, oh my god.
These people can do it. They did hear. I could do it too, that’s. The contrast you want, but the basis of all that I do comes down to knowing that the difference in your life, your relationship, your physical life, your emotional eyes, any aspect of your life comes down to sense of psychological strength or emotional fitness, and what I mean By that is this discipline never works long-term.
Never what works is when you become addicted to something positively new. You trade one addiction for another when you shift from having to doing something to wanting to do something, so our focus is how to make that happen.
But I’d, say this too. If you want to change a relationship, the number one thing up: it is mastery on emotions. If you don’t, do that forget it there’s, no hope, and what’s? Wonderful, though, is it’s? Easy to do if you know how that none of us have been taught really emotional leadership.
Emotional management is a very minimum, much less how to direct and shape ourselves. I don’t mean taking your emotions. I don’t mean pushing them down. I don’t believe in positive thinking, although you may think that from watching you know some of the media coverage, I’m, not into positive thinking.
I’m. Not here tonight to tell you to go to your garden and say there’s, no weeds as though weeds as though weeds there’s, no weeds. I’m very clear that I believe that life is about leadership and being truthful to yourself, and so I believe, number one that the mandate for any great relationship, a mandate for anybody to lead their own life and not be a followers.
You got to see things as they are, but not worse than they are because that’s, where most people go, that’s where they go on relationship that’s, why they start to tear it down that’s why the relationship starts to break down, because people get scared when isn’t working out, and then they make it worse than it is so they don’t have to try because they don & # 39.
T want to try again and be disappointed. They don’t want to feel that sense of rejection they don’t want to feel that sense of failure, so most people make it much worse than it is people. Tell me all the time.
Oh, I’m skeptical or I’m pessimistic. I said no, no, you’re gutless. It takes no guts. It takes no courage to be a pessimist to say it’s, not gonna work. To try to find out what’s wrong. What’s? Wrong is always available, so that’s right.
So I’m, not into positive thinking, but I am into intelligence and intelligence says see it as it is. Don’t, make it worse than it is, maybe of all time to tell huh. My problem is, I’m big-boned. No, you’re freaking fat.
Tell the truth. You know what is this big bone story? You know the only way it gets better than you can see out. It is don’t, make it worse than it is don’t. Try to make it so it’s impossible to change it’s, not true, but true at all.
The second mandate, I think, to changing in it in your life to believe in your life is once you see it as it is not worse, it is, then you got to see it better than this. Does that something’s missing for most relationships? There’s, no vision, I mean without a vision and the Bible, it says people what parish and what a relationship has no vision for greater than where they are.
That relationship is going downhill if not destroyed. I believe that every relationship, every part of life, every part of the human being needs a controlling future, but the future is not more compelling than today.
Today could be tough to know the teachers compelling we can get there and that’s. What every leader does every one of you in this room, and I know some of you are here – I guess from the general public as well just for your own relationship.
I really acknowledge you, for I know you’re from the military here. I know the therapist here, people from all walks of life, you’re, all leaders. What’s, your job to lead your job is to help people see it as it is not worse.
It is what’s. Your job help them create a compelling future, see it better than it is so there’s, a reason to get my all again. Otherwise, there’s, just no juice. There’s, no energy. Why they’ll, go through the motions complain with each other, not really believe it’s gonna work and nothing will change and then finally, the third step that we’ve all got to do.
If we’re gonna change, our life or anybody else & # 39, s is make it the way we see it and that’s. Where strategy comes in, I try to take things that are complex and make him as simple as possible. I’ve noticed most people a psychologic world, try to make it as complex as humanly possible because it makes us feel so sophisticated.
We can talk with all these complex words and elements and so forth. We can really. You know we got our degree easily where somebody, but you know what that doesn’t help anybody. So I look for a nickel word to get to the heart of something I’ll, try to take something complex and make it simple, so that people really will apply it and that’s.
The focus here, let me show you in two seconds flat when the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I called the success cycle real fast dry yourself, four squares put them up on the screen here, you’ll, see they do this.
Take a quick look: you’ll notice, you & # 39, ve, got the word potential up in the left-hand square up on the right-hand squares. The word action bottom right is the word results. Bottom left is the word beliefs or in other word, for that would be a sense of certainty, potential action, belief, results and notice.
There’s, arrows in a clockwise fashion, where they just keep feeding each other over and over and over again. So again it’s. Potential action results, belief. What other word for that would be certainty that you ever notice how rich people tend to get richer and poor people to get poorer, and I don’t just mean rich in financial terms.
I mean people that are rich emotionally, you’re, so happy people tend to get happier and depressed people tend to get more depressed as the power momentum and what I’m about to show you. So let me show you something here: what’s, the potential of any human? Being you tell me quick, unlimited! Do most people’s results reflect that true potential, yes, or no, no way.
Why? Because most people aren’t taking enough. What, but is it possible, take a lot of action and still get lousy results? What, if you got a Salesman that works for you and they walk out and they knock on a hundred doors today say you wouldn’t want to buy thing from me.
Would you or they don & # 39? T say that verbally, but they say it non-verbally does that gonna affect their results, yes or no. So it’s not enough even to take enough action, because when we believe it’s, not gonna work or were uncertain.
Does that affect how much of our potentially tap yes or no see? If you don & # 39, t think it’s? Gon na work you’re, not gonna put out a bunch of your energy when you think it’s. Gon na fail and by the way, when you’re, not sure you tap a little potential.
Do you take little or a lot of action when you’re, not sure when you think it’s, not gonna work? You take massive action or little action now when you take little potential with little action. What kind results to get little lousy results and when you get lousy results? What does that do to your belief? You’ll, see I told you it wasn’t gonna work told you was a waste of time and then, by the way, when you have less belief how much more potential you take more or less if it’S possible, you tap less potential, more or less action less and what happens the results they get.
Even what and now they got worse results was that duty belief and by the way now you see the current economy, isn’t it true everybody out. There is going. Oh, my god, the results are so bad. It’s. Gon na get worse in the future, so I better pull my horns.
There’s less potential, so I’m, not gonna push as hard, and I can take much action. Oh my god, I’m. Getting lousy results with little potential action. Oh my god! It’s. Gon na get worse. That’s. What creates a recession depression whatever you want to call it? How do you change that? A lot of people and even a lot of business to say well gosh, we trained our people who’s ever done this.
You trained you person, they do well for a while, and then they drop off of their skill set. I don’t care sailes. I don’t care. If it’s, a technical skill, you know having to an accounting or something on the computer, whose experiences with people you work with, say I now you’re, highly motivated you, it’s, your business or you’re the leader in the business or you’re, the manager or you’re, the head of department or whatever.
So you got a lot of Drive, so you bring a motion to the table and you do enough repetition that you master it they don’t. If you give up on them. You know you’re losing and missing out on what it takes to train someone serious.
Our training looks in a beginning of training when you first start doing something. How fast do people learn and make shifts slow or rapid huge rapid change happens right there’s, this giant growth that occurs now.
What eventually happens to anybody when they start to learn something a new sport, a new business, a new relationship? Where do they get to? What do you call it Plateau so think of it? This way, some people, their philosophy of life, is dabbling here’s.
What a dabbler does they take it? On a sport like let’s, say tennis and with a brand new they know nothing about tennis. They don’t now to hold the racquet they don’t have a swing that are to keep score.
They think love is an emotion when it’s, a zero there’s, nothing right, but from not knowing anything in a short time, with a little bit of training. Do they get pretty damn good, yes or no. If this is on 2 % now straight – and this is zero – they might go to twenty or thirty percent growth like that within a few days, a few weeks, how many followed I’m, saying here say now: what’s interesting is? Will they top out yes or no? There’ll, be a point which they Plateau.
What’s, a plateau? It’s when you’re, doing the same amount of effort, but you’re, not getting the same level of reward. You’re, not making the same progress so in the beginning. How hard is it to make progress when you’re, a brand new company I mean creating a product.
Is progress selling your first customers is progress? Getting your first account is progress pretty easy right when you’re in a new relationship? Just learning about each other and connecting and being intimate there’s, progress right in playing tennis.
Taking for sport, there’s, so much progress, but in every human beings experience there’s, a point where you’re working just as hard, but not making so much progress and people don’t like that’s, why? I told you this and what some people do at that point if they’re, a dabbler they decide to quit.
This is obviously the wrong job. For me, this is obviously the wrong sport. This is obviously the wrong partner. I shouldn’t, be a relationship with this person, the minute they get to a point where they’re, not being sad, their egos not being fed.
They’re, not growing, they quit, and so if this was, for example, a dabbler who was in a position of tennis, they might quit tennis, and now they say you know what I’m gonna tennis player. I’m gonna do racquetball and they get so excited about racquetball because, like oh, this is cool.
Look at this because within a few days, what happens if everybody they start from zero and what happens lots of what tell me lots of progress which feels really good really fast. They didn’t, have the racket they didn’t know how to turn their walls all round up in the ceiling and a few days BAM.
They’re smashing off the back wall, the side wall they’re. Doing things easy. I mean it’s, really cool, plus they get a new outfit and stuff. So they look cool. They got goggles, they 20 new club. There’s, all this progress and stuff, so guess what grow grow, grow, grow, grow.
Everything’s, great great, great, great great, but eventually, who knows what happens eventually, they hit a plateau and guess what Ravin training themself further for mastery. What do they do? They say it’s, the wrong sport.
I shouldn’t, be I shouldn’t. Do this, I shouldn’t, be a basketball player if they’ve gone out and they made all this progress. They’re, real happy. They go go, go they’re growing, growing, growing boink.
They hit this plateau wrong sport. Your worst nightmare is somebody else’s greatest dream.